Getting hitched is naff

I’m getting married in the morning.
Ding, dong the bells are gonna chime.
Pull out the stopper, let’s ’ave a whopper,
But get me to the church on time.

Even better is how the above ought to go….

I’m getting born in the morning.
Ding, dong the bells are gonna chime.
Pull out the umbilical, let’s ’ave a whopper,
But get me to my birth on time.

No doubt the male, in a sense, celebrates the oncoming conquest of those who had borne him which is that of women. ‘Till death us do part’ solidifies the iron-clad vice grip men have for centuries, millennia even, held upon women. Remember that women, if they talked too much, they were led around with cages on their heads. Or if they were witches, they were dunked underwater and if they survived they were definitely witches. And if they drowned? Definitely not witches. These are just some of the idiotic endeavours males have undertaken against the opposite sex for centuries.

During the middle ages, talkative women were punished by being forced to wear metal cages on their heads. pic.twitter.com/sLY4AcomAp

— 🦢 (@damnidc__) March 10, 2026

One wonders why marriage is even a thing especially are so many unforgiven things? These include wife beating, coercion, bringing shame upon a family, failure to produce male heirs, and the rest of it. The list is extremely long.

The question then has to be, is getting married an idiotic, nay a stupid thing even? The rise of feminism and bra burning would have one thinking that things definitely had gone wrong somewhere along the line.

But getting hitched has almost always been, well, some sort of desperate measure to control the opposite sex Ad infinitum.

To be fair, marriage isn’t exactly a scam as most would no doubt see it. Its a social and legal endeavour, and often touted too as a form of spiritualism. Its said to bring stability, companionship, and shared resources. But it can feel like a scam when social or economic pressures push people into it for the wrong reasons. Or the legal system is unfair to one partner. It’s only as genuine or exploitative as the people and motivations involved. And in terms of history, marriage has not exactly been fair – especially to those who have the unenvious task of bearing heirs to the male overseer.

Its a construct devolved by men no doubt. Its why the onus is on men to be the provider and the ruler. The head of the family. Historically and even now, any wedded union is largely seen in the eyes of men as a chance of procuring future male progeny.

The Wars of the Roses Dinner Party – Barbara Rose (Turner) says to Oliver Rose (Douglas) “I would never humiliate you like this”. His response: “You’re not equipped to”. Classic scene from the film showing men have a ‘means’ women don’t, therefore men are the ‘master’. Scene from Youtube.

When the scales fall the wrong way this is when the weaknesses in male hegemony reveals its considerably abject ways. For example my own mum was regularly beaten up by my dad, largely because I was disabled. That was clearly a failure to provide proper healthy normalised off spring. Such men, of which there are many, stink to high heaven no doubt.

Overall, the presentation and the oft pleasant messaging about marriage seems to be of something that’s nice, romantic, and the rest of it – but that is the hook, link and sinker. Once the bait has been nabbed, this is where the true essence of marriage gets to reveal itself.

Very few have really successful marriages. It takes a lot of work, a lot of balancing things in order to prevent one side or the other getting into war like mode. Not a bed of roses but a war of roses. Both sides devolve that war like mode in different ways. But often its the male who starts the war first because, well, men are all brawn and no brains – and the fist is the first implement that is often employed. In many cultures wife beating sadly seems to be the norm.

In the days of the suffragettes, it was often asked why men, as the very bearers of power (including government, policing, the military, education etc etc) could be drunk, act like total idiots, and still be be trusted with managing the world.

The secret is few men can really be entrusted with anything – even marriage. If that isn’t big news, well I don’t know what it could be. Never mind the missing ‘i’ its no doubt a moment of Trumph – especially as the world is now getting to see in real time what male leaders are capable of and there’s no doubt many men extol at what can only be a total batshit way of perpetuating an existence. Besides, violence and abuse against women is inexorably on the rise everywhere across the world, even in the home, in the park, in the street and on public transport – thus its difficult to see how marriage (and even the rights of women in such scenarios) can be anything other than a huge charade. And that is because the protection offered at home is nothing more than a veil that hides a far worse situation. In many cases women are trapped because of the male’s power and any resultant violence that is directed towards the female.

In short, marriage is for idiots. To tie the knot is stupid infinitum.